you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
