You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
