last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
