I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
