I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
