Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
did i just pee glitter
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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