i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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