she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
