she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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