You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
