i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
