i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
