I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
