We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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