i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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