Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
