Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
