I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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