Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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