I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
