i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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