so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
