Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
