She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
