We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
