Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
