My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
handjob tips. give me some.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
