My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
