he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
