i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
