The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
