Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
