Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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