Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
