Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
