Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
