Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
not ubering you a puppy
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
