Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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