I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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