I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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