She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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