My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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