So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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