I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
