We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
