I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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