If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
