i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
