Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
