i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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