I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
